I'm trying really hard to find a graceful, gracious, reply to your words, but I cannot. These children arrived in your home at 11, 8, and 4. Whatever trauma occurred in their lives could not be undone by your love or best efforts. That you thought it could be is deeply problematic. It seems you thought you could save them. That savior mentality, rescue mythology, is toxic.

Your response is so devoid of compassion and empathy for these kids' lived experience (let alone all adoptees) that I actually think you should stop trying to understand. If you don't by now, you never will.