Oh Kathi, I am so sorry. What devastating truths, "Neither of them could share me with the other" and "Two mothers. Two choices. For me, two much pain." I've written in other essays that reunion does not get us back what we lost, it can't. Your story is another tragic example of that. And, how too often, adoption is not really about us. Thank you for sharing your story, and reading mine. Much love to you.